Water Maker & Black Mother

Part of the lesson of [WTAW] and [WTAW] is gendered in nature—learning to be aware of those aspects of myself. But the point I think I have been missing re: [WTAW] is that I cannot dominate or control my wholeness, the waters within. They will escape the vessel, must escape the vessel—the water in the vessel must go somewhere. But I try to keep it all contained, out of sight, tears and all. Emotions and all. I can’t—shouldn’t—do that. I deny vast depths of myself in trying. I try to shout it down, talk it away, or focus the flame on a tiny spot, but I end up missing the quiet parts and aspects and currents.

It is also adaptive, flowing, receptive, not passive but not the masculine burning and shouting the others, SS and ShF are about. Flowing, spreading, growing. Contemplative. Intuitive. We move into seidr and then where galdr has dominated. I have been wary of ergi. And I have limited myself.

In pursuing regeneration, reintegration, I have sought to, on occasion, cherry pick. That won’t work, not the way this works.

[WTAW] giving myself to myself, sharing self—but not the narrow self of [WTAW] and SS. WM, though, makes self and water. Self is not the best word. SS is ego. WM contains the wholeness that surrounds ego. Not Freud’s id, but that is there.[1]

I once sought spectacle and entertainment, like Faustus, but now I am for now, hoping for peace, and to know myself. Wholeness and connection.

[WTAW] and [WTAW] represent volition and directed action in part (part of me tries to resist the gendered nature of these metaphors, or at least, qualify them)—but it is wrong to think [WTAW] and [WTAW] are not active in their way. Less focused, different modes of action and energy.

I have passed to WM’s satisfaction. BM, however, is different. She is like TTL—the experience is nigh possessory—and Unseelie. Flesh and bone and stone and blood and wood, complexity and smothering claustrophobic—idises in the dark coils of the world. The water is open and deep—the earth is cramped and confining and confusing. The dragon in the labyrinth.

Telluric energies, the elemental energies should be channeled and wielded.

[WTAW]->I feel more fey, but more connected. I suspect there’s an imbalance at the moment. The trance nature of the experience—the body and its passions, but the body touches elsewhere. Giantesses, idises, dragons of the earth, gnawing on people and making love. Shapechanging and death and food. The calmness and abstraction of others feels inadequate compared to this.

Like I said, it feels more passionate and fey, but not dickish: not Unseelie like evil, but Unseelie in its transgression and radicalism. [WTAW] The Spiral of Power as it relates to Self—that is the mystery here.

Reconciling BM and [WTAW] to the others is a challenge here. It is easy to get drawn in and be consumed and miss the point. Read Thorn for insight here. I run Pentacle and Black Mother and Wisdom and Passion.

[WTAW] is still about self.

The depths—but also the vessel. What connects me to the world, my body and otherwise.

Manifestation & corporeality

Actualization & growth

What is TTL?

Everything has been positive and fairly normative thus far.

Subject of resistance[2] requires living in the world, not apart form it or in only abstraction.

[1] Really, if you haven’t learned about Lacanian subjectivity yet, then you’re missing out. Of course, Lacan’s not the end, either, but he’s a good point of progress beyond Freud’s simplistic view of things.

[2] Drawing on Sergei Prozorov (who draws on Agamben, Foucault, and others), freedom emerges through the “subject of resistance,” who emerges only through “the act of resistance” against exterior control over one’s life. People are not born into freedom, and they only enact freedom and political agency when they resist the state consciously and deliberately. See Sergei Prozorov, Foucault, Freedom and Sovereignty (Burlington, VT: Ashgate, 2007).

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