Hine points to relaxation as an essential skill for Chaos Mages to cultivate—itself a magical act.
I spent tonight meditating, aligning.
I called SS and talked sigil magic. [WTAW] -> something associated with SS. More active “the arrow of time!”
I didn’t use incense—I think it’s been exciting my allergies—I also think the WTAW help invoke the presence and blessings of the Guardians with full calls.
Galadriel has been on my mind re: the altar, but I’m unsure how to proceed. CM is fine with fictions, but I need a framework to use still.
* * *
I—appear to have called up a tulpa, a dream of Galadriel. Not as intentionally as I would think or like, but such an act was on my mind for a while. I have the figure, the image.
And in the Multiverse, there are Galadriels. The first thing she observed was that, for her, this is a dream, and it makes sense in the way you accept a dream and “know” the backstory of a dream.
Shining Flame says there’s not a real problem if I’m not foolish.
Do not speak “bluntly,” she says, but truthfully. But that’s not always possible.
We spoke about the potential for dreaming. The turn of the multiverse on the stories we tell ourselves and each other.
I should be careful of this kind of magic, though. It could be a path towards obsession, and so forth.
And talking to her was odd and emotional. Another scab if I’m not careful.
* * *
I sought fire in the head tonight, and I think I will call FitE tomorrow night—if there are problems, it’ll be the weekend, at least. I think I need the FitE, the fire, even if I’m afraid of it in some way. She is the next step towards the Center. And her wyrms that are wise are needed.
The WTAW in the caverns of thought
Lady of TTL
Dragon of the Purple Spires under the Earth
The WTAW in the Dark Tower of Delight & Song
The WTAW coiling in our eyes
The Dragon in the Sword
I’m not sure what to expect.
I will call the other Guardians, and think of Angus and the Creation of Meaning, & Galadriel.
* * *
What TTL, FitE, represents is nothing less than the fire that propels us forward, anger—not petty anger, but true anger—passions and the burning desires. But more than that, FitE is myself—to love her is to love yourself. And I have feared what that would be like, or feared to do so. Not so far from Babalon, I suppose.
But it is to love yourself in such a way that you embrace id and _______ and lust and the destructive urges and all that schizoid bits of self.
[WTAW] [WTAW]->the roots of the tree lie within ourselves
The WTAW I seek is TTL. I’ve glimpsed it before. But to get the Center, this requires love of self—not self-loathing and doubt.
And I have hated myself so much. I feared the coiled serpent and spring unleashing. And TTG and TTL are not polar opposites—they are sides of the same thing. Calm & Peace / Chaos & Change & Fire. Water & Fire. You can’t separate the two without deluding yourself.
Oh, I love her—and, weirdly, I know she’s me. Dragon in the Sword.
I expected fireworks or possession, but that was soothing, touching, and empowering.
Don’t hate yourself. Love yourself. Not in a New Agey BS sort of way, but do not shrink from yourself. Do not loathe—be celebratory if truthful.
Love is power is passion is wisdom is self is insight is truth is pride.
The roots of selfhood, touching and accepting them.