The devil, the lord of entropy—the demonic face of self and identity that can help break one’s preconceptions and blocks, but you have to avoid giving it free reign, just so you avoid obsession—
—and there it is, the demon, or one of them, resembling me but as a spider, multiple spider eyes, arachnid legs, human arms, long thin unkempt hair, a yellow cast to the carapace/skin, —sitting in a part of the web, in a corner, fretting, running/seeing possible actions & consequences, imagining –futures (& pasts). It’s like I/e realized the web and causality and possibility existed in its enormity & freaked out and began making a bulwark, turning intellect and mind towards forecasting all bad possibilities (and went mad).
But BM is the goddess and dragon to this spider demon—e frets over a small portion of the web—trying to limit potentiality to some manageable quantity. BM supports and traverses and embraces the whole web, net, and pattern—she is—with Wisdom and Passion—the antidote to ______. E fashions and lashes false, harmful, self-destructive experiences/WTAW to me, builds them around emself. E thinks to somehow insulate emself and to show eir imagination and intellect forewarned em. E is a seer & a prophet who thinks to be somehow right by anticipating all bad contingencies. Good events actually confound em, leading em to imagine new catastrophes that undercut or diminish or undo the good events.
Good events are aberrations that must be addressed and contained. This is a survival/coping mechanism that went out of control and went demonic. E is a mad, desperate attempt at control & mastering everything.
* * *
I conjured up _____ yesterday, and e resisted being pulled up and exorcised. E didn’t want to be seen, and e retreated to the corner and tried to scale out of sight and mind. Thankfully, I kept after em and recycled em into BM. But e’s a tricky, persistent demon—I can see eir attempts to reassert, but e’s blunting against allergies and meds and recognition.
I will want to exorcise em often. E;s old and entrenched and persistent, so I’ll want vigilant action against him. Remember the mantra: Fuck you, _____. Fuck off is also good.
* * *
I also did a “tantric devotional” with BM before the exorcism. HS also lent me the breath of [the SG], which looked like starlight/white Artron radiation.