Passionflower

Social Groups & Recovery

I feel a bit out of a loss since, disconnected since Saturday night. This means I should relax and practice, align, and banish ____ the third time. Minor alcohol poisoning will disrupt your chi, I guess.

One lesson that emerges from Saturday is that I do have my pantheon of friends—even when I don’t realize or am oblivious—and they are willing to suffer through a lot for me.

There is a strongly petty, proud, angry, and frustrated person inside me—there is in most people, I think, it’s just mine that’s most immediate and monumental to me. But that aspect of me is also a part of me, part of my wholeness.

I am, alas, about the only magically aware person out of the gang—or, at least, the most actively so. And since I dive at such places, I leave most people behind. We’re looking at different things, worrying about different…things, and though there’s some overlap, there’s enough gaps that I’m paradigmatically losing people (in talks and general social connectedness).

The lit friends see the lit theory and culture side of things (Meta-H). The gaming friends can see the performance and Meta-A side of things. The magic friends can see other aspects, but their critical apparatus lacks the meta-layers of the others.

Meta-H(ermeneutic) is hermeneutic, differánce, syn- & diachronic. It’s literary and linguistic meta-awareness. Meta-A(dventurer) is genre-savviness, an actor and gamer’s sense of convention, expectation, & RPG problem solving. The Adventurer sense of the potentialities of life. Meta-R(eality) is the layer that gets magic can happen & that reality is not as the many want.

These Venn bits don’t often overlap in my life—maybe ___ these days.

Mind you, as I think about it, my own confluence of metas is one that often gets associated with asses that I don’t like—the pretentious “I know more about reality than you” types. And I think that’s what _____—___—first glimpsed/saw, and which threw her off.

Meanwhile, visualization is what I’ve been lacking, and I’ve needed to/wanted to fill my mind w/ better things—my episode disrupted sleep, sanity, socialness, etc., making that hard for me this week. _______ is also a strange mix of social performance anxiety and OCD checking the phone, which does not help. That’s magnified by being off-balance since Saturday. I need some active meditation and relaxation tonight. (Also passionflower helps work.)

Masses of patterns have been triggering seidr-like moments—but that may also be/reflect my own dissociative tendencies.

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