Mabon, my other selves, they’re always already there, but I tense up and forget, get caught in maya/mûl-ôl. In a way, I have to work to grow lucid at those times, to wake up out of those false mûl-ôl moments.

Because what’s required is lucidity while awake—knowing and having the wherewithal to role-switch.

I balk at the horrible freedom of being able to do everything and anything, of action.

Not rash action. Not desperate, irrational action. But _______ and current circumstances offer few options, few paths of real, interesting, purposeful actions.

I want.

But part of all this is being able to live as yourself in this moment, in this time, forging yourself and the future.

In not wanting to confront regret, in being willing to accept your present self, you accept too much and convince yourself to calcify into someone you don’t want to be. The choice of how to perform, how to act, how to live your life is always there with you.

Doing this on my own is damn hard.

Self as aesthetic subject—Wilde’s personas and life as art—self-fashioning and self-performance. That’s another part we’re (we?) talking about.

This is a glorious universe of motion, notions, beauty, and light and burning shining life as stars blaze and feed the trees and everything.

But it’s always been your choice. And you can rewrite your past, imagine how you would’ve liked it to be, imagine how it can become still. Forge a past that leads to the future you want.

I’ve been Hamlet for too long, have skewed into Prufrock.

But I reject them both—see their presence, acknowledge them—but no, I don’t want to act or perform them any longer.

This is a kind of life and identity CBT. This is a kind of magic.

And acting as someone capable of magic—well, that’s a good performance.


A daily practice that encourages relaxation—

Much of your stress comes from anticipation, expectation, forecasting. _____-like stuff. Learning to stop and breathe and let go—not submit, but to roll, to shapeshift, role-shift, to trick the world and laugh. Laugh at the world. Laugh at others. Laugh at yourself.

And resist. Awaken. See. Echuithon. Cerithon.

Let children enjoy themselves in play, for they will have to scrape and fight for opportunities later.

Costuming and props—I can’t do Red or Octarine in shorts and a t-shirt; well, not shorts.

Poetry—read poetry and magic. Poetry inspires you.


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