I have spent time lately discovering aspects of my basic existence as a fae—the importance of trees, light, the sun, movement/expression/dance. It says something about how much I’ve missed or forgotten. Walking in the sun with [Elethis] is far more easy to pull off than in shade—walking strenuously eats focus and energy. (Though, stamina and speed glamours do exist.)
It also helps to blunt and cower career and financial angst/anxiety, but I also know I can’t merely avoid & ignore what needs to be done in those regards. But I don’t know what the spring will bring for several months yet, and even this fall won’t be settled until August. Be on top of what needs to be done, but endless fretting won’t help anything.
Remember when channeling chakras to manapura that you’re getting to it and aren’t thinking you are stopping at the heart (great for light, but you need to get the vitality of manapura). You are skinny and tall enough that sitting makes manapura very down low (near crotch and root).
I think one of the things Dana has been trying to tell me is to Empty my heart of its mortal dream.—
God, G.D. and Thelemic Sephirotic paradigm—
AC occasionally has a useful metaphor, and the image of the fire within flickers in the “gusty aimless wind”—and there’s truth to this in the sense of the wind within (or which we allow within) that wastes our energies or burns ourselves with them rather than harnessing, building, and channeling them to some end. And there is my light within.
—I’ve focused so much on drawing down divine fire and energy that I’ve ignored internal sources, and what’s already there. This means I should continue on to the next chakra soon—and I suppose I need to read up on them.
So much of AC and G.D. c.m. is affixing esoteric symbolism interpretations to letters, names, and etc.—pushing Xian GD QBL onto any and everything. In a sense, it’s the inheritance of Renaissance Hermeticism that sought to appropriate Hebrew and “divine language”/programming for WASPy males, and it’s also a way to force anything into your paradigm to affect it with your magic.
AC’s and PC’s notions of different ages and Aeons is such BS—it reflects their misogynistic historiography, times, & paradigms, and it dates them badly.
* * *
She smiles at me. I call up my light and energy, I call up [Elethis] into that light, I notice her, and she smiles at me. Is it because I have remembered my own fires and light, and have thus heard (or done) something else she has told me? I have—fuck, it’s nice, her smile and even mirth & laughter. Because, I think, I have found my light and spirit and soul—have perhaps (re)kindled it, and in that sense, I perhaps become more present & real to her as well. (What is the laughter and mirth of a god?) And I may be able to hear and see and speak better—
Previous, the metaphor that comes to mind is a passive receiving station. It receives power from some master transmitter, must be powered ([passive voice]), and receives a signal from the master transmitter (Dana and Elethis in this case), but it’s like I came online and started transmitting and she’s seen that…