One of the great mistakes has been to think I would use magic to rise up, to empower myself. The truth is that we have to discover within ourselves our power, and combined with the knowledge, discipline, and development magic entails, you can do magic. As a process, you can magic towards more magic and empowerment. CM recognizes that halthaya (especially internal halthaya) has to be defeated on the way to power and freedom, but the dangers are internalization, delusion, and hubris.
But the Dream and having a presence in it entail being sure and aware of one’s self, one’s body, and one’s action/presence in the Dream. You have to embrace it, dive into it. And the magic only happens by daring and sprezzaturing one’s way into it, being attentive and aware. And the colors and magic you feel in the Dream, in Haisuith, you have to feel in you as part of it all.
My anger has, I think, often been born of frustration and at shame or fear of it or disapproval. There is a certain freedom in laughing as PC and Hine know.
I feel reticent to write incantatory stuff ahead of time—reading it, reciting it, seems improper, and spontaneous works seem appropriate. I can plan what I’d like to do. Gah, I need—want other folks to work with and rehearse public stuff with.
—but when in it, when relaxed into a situation, you do what you need, say awesome things (just don’t lapse into German or _______)—poetry and more at ______’s party, _________, and so forth.
The shoulder-blade chakra is the “wing chakra”—the info I found focuses on Taoist paradigm, but this links it to heart chakra and will-freedom, wholeness, and centered, living life. Too much leads to impulsiveness—probably mania. If blocked (or screwed up, the “wings” chopped)—lack of will, fear of life, depression. On some levels, the “wings” suggest spiritual flight and defense. But I imagine it’s hard to hide—(your “regeneration” move flares them out). They are more out of sight than your heart, so they’re a target.
There’s another “hoodie”—a woman, skinny with light hair, lurking in the apartments before __________. She’s in shorts, may have a light hoodie. The guy attracts attention, but she’s the one who sweeps in form behind [well, they trade off]. There’s a black guy in a hoodie near [work], wanders the strip and freeway and [grocery store]. There’s another woman over near the dorms and apartments.
They’re using the whole hoodie thing as a guise and mask to hide better—using halthaya and expected urban appearances to avoid notice. Underneath, they’re more a mass of fleshy things, pretending.
The flesh beasts I found at [work], those things, and what I saw in that dream of “fake ________.” The ones at [work] seemed like an infestation. However, these loners or pairs seem more like spies watching me or us (or for anyone like us). [work] and campus just allowed for lots of feeding on poor students. The guy hoodie at the laundromat has been there for a while and left me my shivs/pressure needles in my back. So, well, fuck those guys.
Stephen Mace talks about power spots—sites that serve as “magical vents on the surface of the earth” and Hine points to crossroads and odd local features with “vibes”—resonance that’s compatible with you or the work in question. Saerien is the genius locus of that/his place, that dragon’s grave. Developing a relationship with such beings is important.
I suspect CM, especially Hine, like to hedge behind therapy and psychology as a dodge against negative occultism attention and to hedge bets about proving anything.
Hine points to what’s basically “rousing the spirit” of objects and places (his gnome example), but we’ve done that with TF (though in a general “I’m TF!” sort of way) and ____’s plushies. My magical tools (especially __________).
There’s the thing—Hine says it’s all internal stuff and self-therapy, but then he rouses a gnome of finding things.
But Hine’s doing magic, but he’s masking it.
It seems I’d be well served to do something about the hoodies, but I’d have to check if that’s wise. If they’re hive-minded or in communication, then they may respond to attacks. However, they may answer to something else as servitors. Divination and scrying and observation—they’re probably accustomed to “attacks”—and they’re adept at faking. (Play dead.) And the previous approaches you’ve taken have been “blast it.”
Mace describes spirits as “powers of mind,” but despite his couching in psychological terms, he’s really pointing to “chimerae” and the Dream (cf. Moore’s Immateria, really). There is a power he locates in the “external world” and in the “Mind of the Absolute” (TS).
However, the CM approach to dealing with demons is wizard-like binding, banishing, slaying.
CM, in not having a conscious notion of how magic and the subconscious works magic, has no recourse but to point to karma & “paths of least resistance” and wholly white and grey magics. If you rely wholly on your subconscious doing whatever in the Dream, no shit the results will be problematic and unpredictable.
* * *
I summon the caul-breakers
That dwell beyond the jade gates,
And call them to wrestle the chains,
Sundering Mûl-Ôl from my dream and mind.
* * *
I do like Mace’s notes on automatic drawing and writing, though.
My goddess dances in the rain, her hair matted with water, and she laughs.