To the north is a massive white stone mountain, easily as apparently tall as Elethis, and I am surrounded by mountains and forests. Sometimes I think I see a titan moving in the distance. Saiyûnor stretches about me, and I feel like I’m caught in a fish bowl or a snowglobe, making out distant shapes in the distance.
Saerien’s bones stretch across the trail and into ____—who’ve been stripping him of his bones and dust.
It’s hard to juggle presence, bridging, seeing—
I called JW, VU, and MW, and they decided to stand with their figures together in the living room. I have a sense that JW went to work immediately, sprinting after the two nearest [hoodie-things] before going off to scout.
I have erected a mirror ward about the flat, anchored and drawing from the land.
The Dream extends all around me, and despite my professed “harmony,” I want to chuck it all and go there.
I remain anxious, even intimidated by, the young and the old: I must remember my pantheon of KL, AL, LtY, and LT.
–I created a Dream extension (it seems) in the attic for VU & Co. and even K, and I extended the wards up there, with stair & ladder access in my closet. It’s like the apartment, just more sparsely furnished, but it seemed right to give them a space of their own.
I roused Kundalini again—it’s remarkably easy to get it going—and I experimented with it. I noted my presence in the Dream seemed clearer.
Dana—as I meditated, she came to me. She said she could help make me more as I want to be——and she, it’s weird, but she sat on/over me, as if I was inside, intimate, maternal womb, also sexual. It’s like I was being shaped, molded by her, rebirthed. (She is a Celtic river and mother goddess–)
When I was, we were, done, I came out of med. “I want it all”—I told her. “All” was magic, her, Saiyûnor, faerie, love, fulfillment, and all so on. She agreed, I guess. She drew a root of Elethis up into me, penetrating, linking Elethis and my elthil in a circuit—. And I felt great, energized, loose, transformed.
–I felt a bit “What did I just do?” ShF assured me it happened and happened with Dana.
Creating the ward entails pentagrams “pressed” in with an arc of the mirror “material” which you then smooth out/together at the end. Draw a line up from the earth to anchor it and help power it.
It occurs to me that I should be capable of reproducing Dana’s works in part and in theory. I could probably draw up a root of Elethis. Maybe the rest, though far less proficiently at present.
I dread having to sleep and missing on the day—so I’ve hated dreaming. I think I’ve had problems with my dreams because I’ve been grasping at time and wakefulness for years.