Affirmation, Internalizing the Otherworlds, Babalon, Boundaries

Dana seems more audible, but I worry I’m think-talking for her—but she’s very affectionate, which draws M closer to the surface. She tells me to internalize [Elethis] more. I assume in a more initiatory manner than I have by just med’ing it in the Presence.

The blue flame elthil visualization isn’t just Feri—I’d forgotten Kraig’s LBRP used it, as well.

I also had a visit from Angus on the bus; he knelt before Dana and stressed relaxing into glamour, roles, socialization, faerie nature, etc. Admonitions to ease into fusion with M.

* * *

LtY: I move with the ease of youth into and through the world—I reject the infirmities and prejudices of age and time, and nostalgia chains others to the past. I embrace change and chaos and potentiality. I love freely and openly, and I dance towards and into experience. I run through worlds and dreams, the wind in my mind and hair unbound. I laugh at myself, joy, and misfortune, and I help my friends to their feet again.

LT: I have seen the crack of reality against a man, a whip coming down against mind and self, the force bowing his head from the skies. I have seen the thorns he gives himself in self-rebuke, chaining himself to himself and the dull banality.

I have lived as that person.

No longer. I resist. The chains binding me I placed upon me, and I remove them, let them fall to the earth. I lift the gaze to the clouds and trees and constellations. The whip may sting, may cause a flinch, but the whip conditions, so I decondition. I act of my will in the world. I speak as cunning, courtesy, and desire inspire me. I love and grow, stand taller and taller. I rise. I triumph.

* * *

You need others to act alongside—a social actor wants others—should relish accompaniment. Isolation, loneliness dulls me. You want peers and companions.

There’s a difference between incidental, general “impressing” of a WtaW upon one’s Presence and taking it in, seeing the place inside it would already seem to fit and letting it take root there. Part of the secret of the trees is that the leaves connect together—the interconnectedness—of the coils of elthil and experience. Let those things those experiences fill you—not halthaya, not mûl-ôl, nor obsession. “Mages” would view this as some horrid act, but they’re paradigmatically chasing deconditioning and male virility and power/force. (And libertarian ideology.)

GD conceives of existence coming via light, conveyed by wind (Ruach) and into material correspondence (coarsening and increasing density)—reification of potentiality until manifest/instantiated/actualized with light as elthil and potentiality.

The GD paradigm incorporates a pile of hierarchical organization and complexity in part because I suspect they and the people making and using it expected/wanted that complexity. And the paternostic hierarchical BS lends itself to social tiers and hierarchical order’s leadership while drawing out progress by lower/younger aspirants/n00bz.

Babalon is the Higher Self/Will that “rides” and directs the “Beast” that is the “evil” corrupt Qlippothic persona, providing “a strength unto [the mage’s] physical base of action.” The GD has this buried, and AC renders that Higher Will (HGA even?) as female Babalon that controls/seduces the rowdy ego of the (male) mage. GD figures corporeal existence as sources of “strength” and (necessarily) “evil” (GD 107; 5th Kn.L). The paradigm is also weirdly geometric and ray tracing (node-to-node in the cosmos from mage to supernal/elsewhere and back).

GD also has this “balanced forces” paradigm BS.

Soughing is speech and song. You med’d to it on ________, have kinda been doing so since here, and Elethis may be the ultimate expression of soughing for you. In the cosmologies of the world, the alfar and aes sidhe are cousins, if not merely splinters of the same people—but the alfar are culturally distinct, even if we share a swath of faerie tirs and alfheims. Elethis may be Yggdrasil, or they touch each other as roots or in the same cosmological forest.

I’ve noted the uncanny quality of the cemetery in __________ near ___, and I’ve felt that such places may be distinct from Koranith. I’ve considered this as I’ve passing ____, and the boundaries we erect demarcate and carve up the spiritual and physical landscapes. But even setting aside land for a purpose does that—parks, nature trails, parking lots. Forests and neighborhoods. I should spend some time in cemeteries and other places.

But I also should med outside on the soughing of trees—I haven’t done so.

Internalizing [Elethis]—it’s a subtle difference of mind from just focusing on a WtaW or sign or the like. There’s a hint of imagining the inside of me—mind, body even, heart and soul, but there’s also relaxing into that space and a kind of inward projection. It’s subtler than what I think I’m describing—a bit of sleight of mind, a dancing mind—how do—

–you’ve always known what to do, to a good degree—but the daring, the relaxed state, the dancing mind, even the awareness—you’ve been paying attention to the multiverse for diverse incarnations, can touch on the Dream in innate ways—no shit you can do many things. And the Presence—that’s one of the big things, as well.

Do cemeteries touch upon Shadowlands? I didn’t want to look in __________. I didn’t care to see, and it felt invasive to do so. The fae have often dealt with the Dead, and the Dream and the Dead aren’t that far apart, at least at first.

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