While projecting last night, I tried to go beyond Koranith on my own with just K and used [Elethis] to “get out there.” I found myself in a dark wood at night and was approached by something posing like Dana that quickly proved false: some fell thing drawing on my expectations. It tried to get in close with a spikey bitey face, but I retreated home where it hit the ward and then VU attacked, I attacked, and I think Dana one-shotted it. I ventured again after a bit, with Dana this time. The dark wood at night is in Saiyûnor, in the shadows of Elethis. It is a different realm in many ways at night compared to the day I’ve seen more often. (Indeed, the day wood is marvelous, idyllic, wild, fey, and glorious—in the day aspect. Night is glorious, as well…) Dana says that one of the knacks of the Night is blending in—you have to—okay, the wild, fey quality of the wood at night: make it part of you, and you will blend in, and not attract as much undue attention. (That is, if you fit in, belong there—don’t be a tourist—you’ll do fine(r).
[Dana has many faces, as it is to be expected.]
We strode titanic briefly, shifting scaled down to normal and “faerie sized.” I felt dense, energetic, jittery at the small scale in the grass under the trees. I didn’t explore, only soaking in ambience. Next time, I think, I’ll run and try to take the wood and experience in. [The “hag” was fairly traumatic.] Also, I need to make sure I have __________ with me—and I need to work on my Presence and RSI.
Elethis seems closer than normal—at least in [work], “looking” out. And clearer. Also Dana seems far clearer when outside.
At times, while projecting, Dana has that shadowed face thing, like “Melko” had, but she’s a multifaceted Celtic goddess. I looked into the bathroom mirror, trying to see M in the reflection, and Dana looked odd, as well. Pale white, like M is.
The most interesting part of [the Ren Faire] other than elves and cute Rennies were the trees and the creeks—the creek beds that stood out, alien from the Faire and its façade.
[line drawings of the Otherworlds to the horizon, North, East, South, then West, with trees, mountains, Elethis, etc.]
I’ve tried to channel/shift the Octarine elthil as my Kundalini (need a better, less yogic term), trying to coil it in with the usual yellow-white chi. Still experimenting.
A Presence entails “projecting” as you go about in Haisuith—or so it seems. In a sense, projection entails developing that Presence and its power. (The chimerical body from CtD comes to mind almost.)
[overhead drawing of Haisuith locally from my perspective]
The Picatrix supposedly represents an older elthil paradigm where energy comes from without, not within. Supposedly, Eliphas Levi introduced the modern energy paradigm. The Picatrix locates power in sources in Creation with the Mansions of the Moon determining when certain kinds of uses of power were best harnessed—called down from the celestial into the world to the ends the mage desired. (It’s astrologically-timed & themed magic.) If this is a true representation of the paradigm, then the Divine Names, signs, sigils were the sources of “power” (but cf. thaumaturgy rather than what sounds like theurgy). GD and others honestly adopt a hybrid elthil model.
Ego, Spare suggests, is a reflection instantiation of the eternal kia/potentiality of self/Pure One, shifting & changing & evolving.
Saiyûnor in the day is glorious and many-colored, and it seems [?] for more to look into. And my gods Elethis seems massive and close and clear today. It’s a huge, somewhat narrow, dark green oak that turns golden in the directly lit arc of the sun.
At night, Elethis and the wood can be far more chthonic—more Dark Young and “The Willows,” but that’s fine because it’s not Mythos, and that’s a part of the Dream of Saiyûnor and those faerie wilds. Also, that impression comes from the coils of elthil—dark earthy stuff (?) and sunlight—the WtaW and the—wyrds resulting—the chain and network of potentialities branching out into everything.
I need to speak my magic louder and more proudly than I have—not whispering into the dark. I should be cunning and discrete, but not mewling. There’s also a sense, a mode I should work within. It’s easy to get caught up in visualizing and trying to see, but there’s a strong—point?—in doing. Don’t just “draw” in the air with WtaW or words or pentagrams or visualization: manifest, actualize, make it happen. I know it seems hard to understand or to explain—there’s an activeness to it, a commitment and diving and daring—
Make the WtaW and its experientiality appear, happen, its living existence willed in. Don’t just think “hard”—there’s a dancing mind/sleight of mind involved. Will and desire and belief. Doing—
I’ve accidentally slipped into or noted it more than anything so far. Projection, Presence, seeing, and being in the Dream, these seem to help. Reproducibility seems the trick and knack to develop. CM folks would probably term it “gnosis,” but the approaches they encourage are too haphazard, fleeting, ejaculatory, and energy/elthil inefficient. And too dismissively premised on the subconscious knowing what to do. They mistake male orgasm and its sublimation and substitute for “gnosis.”
They displace their magic into a nebulous undefined, unseen subconscious/kia to avoid considering how inhuman many people (and CMs) may be. The GD displaces it all onto archytypal “godforms” they dress up in. Spare had some sense of self as magical being/god, and developing that—I’m ____, after all, seems a better path. There’s also a fear of “madness,” which they push off onto orgasm and the subconscious.
During my libations, it seemed Elethis was far closer than normal—or far larger—twice the height in the sky.
 RSI: residual self image, cribbed from The Matrix