Everything in Saiyûnor seems closer, clearer—I find myself both excited by that but also a bit worried—the early wonder, awesome grandeur, the atmospheric obscuration—but my horizon is shifting and expanding.
Further, I have found that I shouldn’t “paint” with my mind WtaW or things like that, but I should project the experience and reality, the signified it points at.
Also, why is blue electric fire a “magic” color? Why the blue Octarine? Elethis is coils of earthy brown green—there’s also the yellow-gold fire of Artron. Why do these colors have associations? Carroll in Liber Kaos and his colors for CM—yellow as ego/solar, “Octarine” as magic, etc.—but his colors seem somewhat arbitrary and traditional. (Also, culturally-grounded.) Now, so long as the colors work, that’s fine, but it seems you should consider why and how. Ultimately, it’s resonance and belief/paradigm.
(Elethis is easier to see—“closer” in that regard—but still titanic. [Saiyûnor is closer, in general.])
Interpreting resonance—I see Elethis and those woods and that part of Chaos they come out of as “earthy green brown” coils of elthil, and small roots have come through me. Scaling also affects density of elthil—titanic leaves me feeling ponderous and diffuse while small feels dense and energetic—but Dana seems more easily to negotiate those transitions, but her Presence/BoL is godlike. But maybe moving at those titanic scales, learning to develop a Presence at that scale—drawing on those coils of elthil into myself—maybe that’s a good practice to develop.
My sense of the wyrd has been of a root and plantlike roots and—bits?—but it’s not been a tree or anything else. It’s been rather rhizomy and abstract. (It occurs to me that the GD at least strives to impose the ToL within the SoS, and many Celtic gods and goddesses had “sacred” trees. Yggdrasil is Ygg’s Steed.) Cultivating this sense of my wyrd may help? I’ve tried to transplant [Elethis] into it as well.
Even trying energy work of that scale in that environment should be useful.
The Qi Gong relaxation exercise includes a sunlight energy component—light falls from above as “energy” that you circulate, and this seemed accurate—a version of alignment.
While walking, “relaxing into” Saiyûnor occurred to me, and it reminds me of the need for active, lucid relaxation, in thinking, magic, social action.
Playing with some of the basic Tai Chi exercises I’ve been wanting to do. I’d rather do a class, but—
The new “projection” of WtaW seems a bit like “transparent” with the impression of outlines (they are still symbols, so the form matters to me and my practice), but I have to guard against just an alternative form of “painting.” However, my new attempts (or continued refinement) at integrating (not just “internalizing”) [Elethis] have been leading me to feel—well, rather fey: fey Presence, mood, “gaze”/perspective, etc. In a sense, I suppose it may also reflect an empowering of M and further integration of myself, KL, AL, LT, LtY, M, and Elethis, etc., and the result grows beyond the fragile “faerie spirit” M may have been. Indeed, much of my perception or even performance of ____/sidhe/elfiness is likely an ego shell that wasn’t as valid as I would have thought or liked. (Makes me wonder about _____’s party again.) That is, funny elf clothes left over from before.
You’ve always been, even in your magic, fae. It’s always been your understanding of faerie, evolving over time and your context, when it’s been about what you want.
I channeled energy work tonight—first Octarine then “the green” from Elethis. I projected out to the dark wood in Saiyûnor: the experience was fantastic. I scaled large and channeled the green after IRP at home using the green while first projecting. I did this for a bit before Dana had me scale down and run, and it was exhilarating. I did not want to stop—I wanted to channel more. I felt almost godlike, and it was like a drug. Dana drug me back home when I wasn’t wanting to leave “just yet,” and I lay on the floor. I used ________ to help sustain myself in Saiyûnor, and I did so on my floor. Dana talked me down, told me to ground. I need more time and experience, she says.