I felt very unlucid on going outside today—the Dream there, but I felt foggy and even drowsy. While I had some coffee, my Presence felt diffuse and off. I went in and aligned and did some Octarine energy work, which seems to have helped. Yes, it did. I think it was the green from last night—while maybe great at night, it may be the wrong resonance for the day. [Haisuith-at-night] vs. [Haisuith-in-day] perhaps. My plan for today is to project into the woods and channel elthil while light. Also, there is the night green, but there’s also the sun-green—glittering green coils of elthil infused with sunlight.
The CMs don’t know how to manipulate wyrd beyond desiring and grunting into the light. In part,—well, yes, I’m still figuring it out—in part, you have to live “towards” the wyrd you want, reinforcing and shoring it up. Find the paths and potentialities you want. In the Dream, you should find those forces—the chimerical aspects of the Dream that exert influences you want and fashion them to your will (or work with them, etc.). I’ve been very much in a visionary mode, but that’s also part of the process I’m in: keeping lucid, developing my Presence and projection and understanding and developing my self on a magical level that can move and act in this Haisuith.
There is also the matter of time and patience: it’s not been that long since I first noticed Elethis. Only about a month and a half. Let alone Presence and all that.
This is an experiential reality—Earth, Haisuith—and that makes me wonder about the “ruling intelligence,” (but truthfully, it may be many—), or something(s) demiurgic. Hell, it makes me wonder about the WtaW for this world/realm.
Further, I am so used to just visual stimuli, and auditory, that moving to a more fully bodied experience requires effort. I think it’s the tactile, thermal, and kinesthetic in particular I’ve been missing out on. Presence requires mindfulness of environment and moment: that is visual, auditory, and one’s sense of embodiment. For the longest time, my strongest kinesthetic sense has been anxiety—heart pounding, pulse in ears, tightness, heat, etc. Panic and anger responses. But proper Presence and projection (and projection into Presence)—and lucidity—requires that full-bodied mindfulness. TV and comps—monitors, in particular—have worked to alienate us from our lives, minds, bodies, awareness. It also distances us from ourselves. Breath.
AC adopts a mixed response to kinesthesia. His yogic practice seeks to have you ignore all physical sensations in favor of mastering the mind, but that yogic practice also emphasizes chakra and pranic work. CM takes AC’s lead via Carroll, at least. CM encourages—through Hine?—kinesthetic awareness as part of relaxation.
Ultimately, that awareness helps you inhabit the moment and Presence/lucidity. It sidesteps Cartesian dualism that bogs down so much (well, Platonism, too).
The day wood is a glorious, though my vision was muddy—I channeled the day-green elthil (at normal and titanic scales), and everything seemed overcast/filtered—but my clarity may be the problem. My projection ability is developing. (Slide into it—like sliding, dancing into a dream state—) Just as I mistook Elethis at first, a similar refining of clarity is going on. The day-green was less—overtly overwhelming, less fully intoxicating—I am more day in affinity—I was still quite punch drunk in the end. It also seemed easier to channel.
I also used the day-green for the [pentacle], and I called the Guardians, invoking their WtaW in the new manner. The kinesthetic awareness was on my mind, forefronted, too. I relaxed, meditated—Dana sat over(lay) me. BM seemed especially happy with me, and we kissed—well, snogged—during closing. I think the root work makes her happy, like I finally figured something out. HS was more conservative, advocating a more harmonious approach (counseling against the foreclosure of potentialities even as I try to embrace more). FitE, when invoked, seemed far more a part of me (and __________).
I had the music louder this time so I could speak louder and whisper less, if at all.
Ultimately, I channeled and ran the wood—for a bit. Dana remains the guide and warder, and I’m still acclimating. I—like last night—wanted more—and it seemed a little too easy at first. (Or, I expected more resistance, I suppose. Clarity and sustainability of projection still needs work, obviously.)
As I lay on the floor with _________, Dana seemed clearer, more present herself, and I think that was being flush with the experience and it being day—she and I seemed very more day-fae. I found myself wanting to “grow”—even tried on the floor—and “to stand tall” (as in the dream). I felt very punch drunk and confident—I felt almost like a companion to Dana (well, more so).