Last night, I flew to the clouds and lounged with the Morrigan on Elethis, her in her headdress—but I find I can also call such a headdress, which also shadows my sight. [I think the Raven makes this so—] The clouds are the very edges of the Higher Worlds, but I can see the merits of lurking there at present. And I’m still reintegrating and regenerating—peace and freedom with self and with the world. Not nonattachment or the religious ideals—desire is very important so long as it’s our own desires.
I like my headdress—I also need to remember _____________—
VU is doing well, and he’s been learning magics of character, choice, and narrative and argument while watching/helping ____. Her work on ______, in terms of process, has been what he’s most inspired by—and the discussion about heroes as the outward hating, destructive antithesis to the beasts feels like it has pertinence for the story underlying him.
Castaneda’s sorcerous mentor frames things for him as “energy” but he makes repeated reference to, calls attention to the metaphors used to describe and explain the sorcery. I suspect don John uses “energy” with Castaneda because that’s sufficient or what CC expects after a fashion. [dJ’s perception of “only energy” also dodges CC’s queries about what he sees while asserting dJ’s power/authority/experience.] dJ’s notes about “scrounging” “energy” and dealing with the “energy body” are low key attempts at getting CC to develop a BoL/SoS/Presence. The use of yogic or other energy techniques would probably help, as well. It may be helpful to go back and look at ___’s “map” of cosmology given what CC points and looks at in re: the multiverse. Lucid dreaming as path to the multiverse.
However, the second attention puts me in mind of Moorcock’s Second Aethyr and the Moonbeam paths—and the Higher Worlds may be a misapprehension for the multiverse—and the paths between stars in [SG’s] constellations—HS’s domain. The branches—in part—reach out to those other realms, but there are islands and places in the “clouds”: god realms, demiplanes, lost worlds, alien places. The need for energy dJ suggests is something subtler—
The energy egg auric stuff reflects conventional experience and perceptions as discussed with ________ (long ago)—other than I have a larger, more diffuse sphere (actually, I may have grown closed off and clenching in an attempt to protect myself in part—a shell within, as it were—the notes on the shape of these spheres and that the “sorcerers of antiquity” did (long lines they tried to bend around into circles) bear repeated reading.))
CC’s training & the sorcerous paradigm involved are lucid dreaming, making the regime/praxis difficult to develop—and CC comes at it without any occult or even mystical background as a rational materialist academic.
dJ’s ideas of “intention” and interacting with the energy body reflect some definite CM-style statement of intentionality, but dJ makes a note of how CC get at through “persistence” and (likely) dumb luck/accident. (This feels like the rote head-desking AC, PC, and the GD always advocate as a gatekeeping process and as paradigmal expectation.)
I think I’ve been perching on one specific branch of Elethis, but experimental flight to others is not something to try at work.
Otherwise, it strikes me that Elethis provides a path that’s alternative (or supplementary) to the Dreaming paths CC figures very bluntly and inelegantly via the energy threads and their intersection with the assemblage points.
I was tempted to say the Lower Worlds are specific to this realm, but the roots extend as far as the branches do. I’d suspect HW leads to HW and LW to LW, but that’s supposition on my part (duh).
dJ posits that people on Earth have mostly uniform “egg shapes” to their energy bodies, and this allows for a consistent social reality and perceptual environment/experience. Why is that at all the case? It’s not the shape per se; it’s something like the SoS—that SoS is similarly fashioned and inculcated (this is why the GD works to reproduce the Tree of Life in the SoS as an attempt to connect with the microcosmos—it’s a matter that most folks have a similar microcosmos. dJ’s notes about shape may have a more immediate context in terms of how that works—how that works, I’m not sure. (Well, it’s aligning the self and Presence to a particular intersection/interpretation with reality and the symbolic space in question.)
CC’s model has a very modal/nodal feel to its paradigm, with literal rearrangement of the location of the a.p. to a new node of perceptions/attention. And the “energy” “requirement” may have something to do with personal metastability or sustaining the Presence while about.
–Morrigan pecking bits of me, things in my pranayama chakra, as we lean against each other on the branch in our wings & headdresses—even as she compliments me on my new fashion sense—
Many systems have been getting the same broad stuff with similar methods but diverging symbol systems and goals and perspectives. PC & CM—
–I don’t think they accept the multiversal nature of reality, and they refuse to relax ego into going beyond—all the role shifting and ego manipulation says there’s no core ego save for the drama/casting/magic director—
–the Enochian/Thelemic/GD City of Pyramids beyond the Abyss is their paradigmal sense of Elethis and getting to the HW, on the edges, but they all mistake—no, they see only the moksa/nirvana religious imperatives as the goal—not that there’s a multiverse accessible as—well—everything. The relaxing of ego is—I don’t know if it’s the only one—a precondition of perceiving the multiverse, other realms and versions of yourself—with confronting yourself and your selves—at that point what did I lock away with “M”? Is she my link to the Pure One—to my broader spirit connections across the realms?
dJ talks about the energy most folk spend on self-importance, but I’d also say ego and consensus expression (assertion of consensual reality), but I suspect—okay, I kinda concur energy is lost there, or at least effort and attention, but I suspect we’re really empowering the limiting SoS and halthaya and hurur—we sustain mûl-ôl and so on. We tether our energies to the same crap as everyone else—into the consensus.
Med’n is touted and used too often as mere focus or mere—I dunno—it glances along these points. There’s a release, “surrender,” relaxing of ego that’s needed, to get the Dream and magic and the Multiverse, hell, yourself as more than you may be. To get at the reality and potentiality of all these things and to actualize them. Possession/invocation is one path to loosen these tethers—
–I think it’s getting at (“getting at”) these awarenesses of self and reality that are needed, learning to bridge yourself and Presence and the Dream—once you experience it once or twice, you may find your way back into that frame, learn to intuit how to get at it. (Mind you, a lot of folks keep trying to reproduce with drugs—but, no, addiction leads people to drug experiences—reproducing occult awareness via drugs is an anti-drug, anti-occult commonplace born out of halthaya) (People may try drugs to help in the first place, but then the drug becomes the gate, not them.)
Med’ing on the trees was part of the process—how Odin got me to do it there on _______. I forgot myself in the trees and found a path—a dream of a path in twilight woods—
Odin on Elethis high above looking down to see the runes and WtaW in the realms—
I’m teetering close to the edge of the issue, of awareness, closer to the point, but I think my Presence is tenuous still,–no, I think hurur and expectations obstruct,–I’m still holding myself back to make sense of things
–but I feel close, almost—there; no, almost gone.
I went inside to try and pull it off. I lit the one candle, put on some drum music, lit some sandalwood, prepped, stretched, and started to med. Morrigan had told me before she would “take me”—that I would “come with her”—after a bit, med’ing and projecting out onto that branch, she comes with all the crows.
I was devoured by the crows and her—as she alternated between headdress goddess and gigantic dire corvid as dozens of crows pecked and ate. “Rise!” she called, and I’d try to rise, giving them access to my body even as I showed they hadn’t finished. I convulsed under the onslaught, stopped moving but I was breathing hard in a lull—so obviously I wasn’t dead yet.
When I was, I regenerated, alive if fatigued.
–there had been pain, terror, mingled with an awareness of what shamanic initiation was going on—
When I’d regenerated, she asked if I would suffer that again? I said, “Feel free.” So they did.
More crows, more devouring and death. Throughout I tried to keep ____________ at hand even if I wasn’t using it. After a point, I was dead—no, half-dead, half-corpse. I couldn’t really move, and she asked me—at one point, I wanted to cry, but couldn’t. Why, she asked, did I want to cry? I wasn’t sure. Why wasn’t I? Because I was just half a corpse. They finished the job, and I lay until I regenerated again. “You know what’s coming next,” she said. We knew I knew after—during the second death. Two deaths weren’t enough. One might’ve been, but we’re fey. So, yes, a third death.
I was told to turn over as they tore into my back, so I eventually flipped over and they continued. I lay there and she circled me on the branch: “Corpse or crow,” she repeated. “Will you be corpse or crow.” My corpse said, realized, I was already with, in the crows—the crows had become me. I could escape the question—I tried to cheat the binary she offered, assert son-daughter/daughter-son/lover as role, but no—she kept it binary. Corpse and death or life and crow—even She’s a Crow, after all—and though I could cheat and escape the binary by refusing the shamanic initiation, by getting up & leaving, I’d be turning my back on everything to this point and I’d be a spiritual corpse. So, I went with Crow. And I regenerated again, propped myself up and then rested as she bid.
I’d hoped for an experience of the HW, but she did this. Before I could, would get her help for what I wanted, she made me, prepared me, initiated me. I’d been thinking I’d avoid it, but I got it thrice.
I lay there and rested, on my front so my wings would be free. I rested & relaxed, tried to nap but didn’t, so I tried to realign my a.p. I felt I was close sometimes, but I’m resisting still. But after my initiation, I’m probably not ready for doing so, especially right after.