Saló dels Miralls in Gran Teatre del Liceu (Barcelona, Catalonia)

Gods, Grimoires, Demons, Shadows

The moon is full this morning, and it occurs to me (and K concurred) that my sense of the Otherworlds’ closeness may be tied, connected the moon’s state. I’ve spelled for better understanding in this regard, as well.—I mean, we’re always told the lunar phase makes some magics easier, but why that’s the case—if it is—is important to me.

The importance of contrast and difference likely ties into my ability to distinguish the sky and its elements from the horizon and so on—there are times when it all just sort of blends together into a haze—and overcast days are also like that. The morn provides a visual cue for noticing the skies and Elethis. This is psychological and conperceptual, but so’s most everything. The psychological is immediately important, for it’s our gateway to the greater/broader realities.

I spent some time with the Crows last night, I spent some time relaxing on the floor in the living room, stretching and projecting my thoughts, and I went into Corunor for a bit later, as well. It was dark, no fire light, and it was supposed to be a black night, the triad told me. While chilling, it occurred to me that I have many parallel moments I’m not aware of throughout the day, including at [work] (for some reason [Area] “18” was significant in that regard.) K also arrived, and I gave him a hug and introduced him.

Ravenna pointed to another blog post where “Rogue Priest” argued that we don’t hear the gods much because our fear and want gets in the way, and those wind up replying. (This is admittedly the sense of otherness that [Donald Michael] Kraig and AC and others point to as reflecting more authentic contact.) This is partly why relaxed, open, med’d states are encouraged.

I still want to work on unclenching, avoiding clenching in the first place. I want to relax and live confidently. It’s been a busy week—my off-days filled with atypical activities (dentist, _______’s). I haven’t had the chance to chill outside since Friday—

In reading/xscribing old grimoires, I see that Athene encouraged the theatricality of parting the veil to “Chaos” (as I put it then, where I now would say (Other)worlds). I do something still with my border crossings, but the general parting I’ve been lax on, though I do wonder if that (Her encouragement) was for my benefit at the time. (Probably still useful.)

I want to start rereading grimoires—I’ve been transcribing—finished—the first one (the older ones from the ‘90s and early ‘00s—well [that’s another story]), to refresh my memories about what I’ve thought previously (and notes, info, insights, ways of thinking)

“Can I commit I to myself, my practice, my Craft?”

Commitment—Honor—Truth—Strength—Compassion (Thorn’s Pentacle of Autonomy)

I’ve accepted that I should speak truthfully to reinforce my magical authority and power, but the question of living truthfully is more problematic. I can live as truthfully as I may, true to myself——not necessarily that I live and announce truth wherever I go. Cunning and subtlety go hand in hand with truth, I’d say, for people like me, though I’m not as experienced in that regard as I’d like.

Thorn talks about claiming our powers—she connects to the directions and Guardians, dividing into bright and shadow—light and heavy? (She’s not particularly clear in this regard. The “dangerous” ones are shadow for her.) She otherwise classes them as intellect, speech, emotion, body, energy, will, potency, silence—but these are ambiguous (categories), as well.

Surely, the Guardian associations are appropriate? She rec’s med’ing on each direction to divine the powers for each—

“We cannot blame another for our [emotions]. We can notice our responses…feel our emotions, and try to communicate them. But we cannot give ownership of our feelings to another because [that] would be a submission of our life force…” We can (and should) recognize the sources of our responses but work to claim power over what that response may be.

I am what I want to be—I may feel or experience other things. Feel sad or angry—don’t be sad or angry. (cf. CM)

Thorn also suggests “making space” for our shadow, “inviting it to dance…sup…laugh with us and tell us the secrets it knows.” The image really calls M, FitE, even the Morrigan to mind, but also the demons, and the Bone White Figure and so on. It’s an arresting image.

Thorn then notes the reforming demon revelation I had.

For instance, ____’s innocuous remark about “instant” fatality sent me off into extended angry rant territory (why is it a space? A place?) even as I asked myself why I was so angry about him revisiting his pedantry. KL pointed to our pride, that we don’t value ____’s opinion or abilities in many regards, and AL noted we’ve seen unwelcome parallels between the two of us. We don’t want to be like ____, and we don’t find the pedantry sufficiently detailed to be worthy pedantry. However, it’s more useful as a demonstration of many of Thorn’s points. I suppose it makes me wonder what demons I’ve not noticed yet, or named. Though, fear–& shame—________________, and the other name for _________ (LtY) may be ones to look at.

There was, I noted, or I have a general nuke everything, massacre, burn all the bridges, take no prisoners tendency—“that’s fucked so BURN IT ALL DOWN.” It’s been most evident in WOD, but the level of detail of intellectual ranting I did about ____ made me think there’s more. There’s a bit of KL and even AL, but KL says there’s a level of methodical thoroughness that goes beyond the Brute’s MO. That is, there’s something else. And AL admires the thoroughness but it’s less his/_____’s thing.

I’m having a flesh of some memory—I like to count my pages these days, and this bit of keeping score/“OCD” makes me think I glimpsed doing so in the old days, a look forward at having so much to write. Or am I confusing or creating a memory? Is there something off about counting the pages? Or did I funky precog long ago & not quite get it?

Donald Kraig’s little spell—visualize your younger self and project a sigil of arcane power on their forehead as a way of amplifying your power retroactively is one I’ve always loved, and I’ve done it thrice now—once when I first read Kraig as a 20-something, once during the #___ days, and just now. I did [Elethis] and [Corunor] now. I don’t recall what I did back then. But if we can connect to other points in our histories, future or whatever, our mutable relationship with time, as _____’s time flashes & funky precog suggest, then it should work the other direction—and doing so defies the Arrow of Time and determinism and lays claim to our Wyrd from even Time. And I always had this fear & submission to Time for so long—but fuck that shit now. And doing it makes me feel giddy, happy, & magical. I’ve always thought back to old photos—bright, pale blonde hair, back around _______________ or so.

Time and the Otherworlds is a—well, unexplored subject. The idea of Time magic is still something only RPGs have properly played with, not counting some genre fiction.

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