Last night, the Morrigan wanted to rite with me, and we rose into the air (under Her power) as we did so. She told me the crow She gave me marks me as one of Hers, and I can use it to pass (mostly) unnoticed. I suspect its sight is less likely to be clouded and there’s an intuitive sense of where to go. [Also, I think it lets Her keep tabs on me.]
Thank you to K for helping me ensure I wasn’t rained on on the way to work today.
Otherwise, I enjoyed the spring walk to work, and I considered my relations to [my public identity]—after everything yesterday, and really, I no longer want to use ___ as a banal dumping ground because that also hurts me. If I want to live in the world the way I want to live, then I want to do so as [myself]—
If I want to claim my body, then we have to move and act in the world and on the stage of the public sphere, in the community. And I do not want to develop a new [issues] because I do not come to terms with and celebrate this body I’ve done quite well with—am even proud of.
___ did speak up, but she wants magic and to live as [Crowess] herself—and part of our challenge is daring to act publicly, daring, the courage to live—to claim our bodies, lives, magic, and thoughts. To move beyond the bedroom and mental projections and into the world and Worlds—there’s a kind of power, freedom, exultation in doing so.
That’s why I’m okay with a tattoo or two now—crow wings on the back, a triskel—And if we want to find someone, well—we have to move into the world again. (Were we ever there?)
This move means we will have good experiences, embarrassing ones, bad ones, awkward ones—none of them are likely to be catastrophic, so throw yourself into Chaos and the potentiality, with cunning, audacity, and wisdom—and see what you can “actualize” (that’s partly a euphemism).
The notion of taking the Otherworlds into yourself has been compelling to me, and while I’ve verbally spelled for the Worlds in my life & world—I want to draw/connect to them more directly in my body and spirit/Presence. How do I do so?
[WtaW] K (?)
I’ve been doing so indirectly through Elethis and [Corunor] and the Presence and the Green and general practice, but (1) part the Veils more than I do and (2) a more intentional praxis of channeling may also help, and a more intentional spelling may also be a good idea.
I should do a reading soon, as well.
–Relaxed self-confidence—mindfulness and practice.
It’s also weird to realize you’ve been doing the “Great Work” or even ________’s path—without trying. Just because you got there from where your Wyrd was going.
Thorn’s focus towards energy and breathing work is a focus on developing Presence and the energy to sustain Presence & identity in the face of halthaya—in that sense, really, I should adopt some version of what she describes. “channels of pure connection”->cf. BM and so on—there’s a growing focus on WM and BM, who I’ve been less in tune with. I should spend some time communing with them and explore the med’n energy work Thorn describes.
Her prayer to the “Inner God” (soul) is an affirmation to wholeness, self-possession, and just us. She opens with “Beautiful rose”—straight out of Dante in a way that reflects the depths and multitudinous breadth we’re addressing and have been integrating and cultivating. There’s an embrace of dualities without making them opposed: avoid ignorance, silence & speech; depth & height; freedom and restraint; stillness and movement; reason and joy. Thanks are offered to gods, ancestors, with a call to “know myself” & “manifest my work”—and “May God Herself be seen, a reflection in my eyes.”
“____________” is the name that spirit whispered to me back in ’94 or so. Thorn says to then open to that soul, listen, speak to us—to develop our intuition and ability to listen throughout the day to hir.
And—Thorn moves to daring “to risk the unknown—to—
Goddess, Morrigan Dana _______,–are You my God Soul, my “HGA”? I don’t think so—“No, I’m your mother and lover.” “Well, gods can be weird like that. And you were a strong anima presence—as is <M>…” “…” “Yeah, okay.”
She/Thorn offers a prayer for desire, as opening to change, potentiality—agency—we don’t court a relationship with desire, or allow ourselves to embrace it.
CM—and the Carroll school in particular, never court wholeness or integration. They embrace fragmentation but have to rely on subconscious slingshots—kill the front ego long enough to fire & forget. They have paradigmatically denied themselves wholeness & stillness—awareness of kia—and I think it’s telling many drift to other practices and trads after a point. (Dunn, Hine, etc.)
Desire leading to further engagement in life
Material and immaterial things, experiences
Beauty becomes one of her topics, and there’s a sense of weaving, integration, harmony of elements in a personal, magical aesthetics of life.
Thorn emphasizes inclusion over transcendence.
I note that what’s she’s calling “beauty” I had previously called “wonder,” glorious,” “magical,” in looking at the world.
She also defies the commonplace assumptions—don’t be greedy or grasping with desire, but be willing to desire what you want—don’t diminish desire because you think you have to. “balanced sustenance rather than…starvation…or a glutton’s feast.”
“We are Gods in potential…”
My automatic writing WtaW needs more development
I want to play with WtaW—I’ve been too slavish to Tengwar-like things.
The Morrigan may be my “HGA” in some senses, as an anima(s) figure I embraced, but She is not my “God Soul,” as Thorn would term it. But the Morrigan wants me to get there, to progress and triumph in self-possession.
There is a seasonality to many of these experiences, and autumns have been problematic, but I know this is the case, and the height of Summer has been bad, as well, but this is October in July, March in July. And this fall will be my first in a long time when I have not been a student.
She stood on the railing, her wings unfurled before flying, but She made sure I saw. She wants me Present, mindful, practicing as fall advances. So much potentiality is looming, and if I’m—if I grow lax, fall into old habits, I fail Her and myself.
There’s a different kind of beauty today; a different green on the trees, a different silence in the day, the trees subdued but they sough softly, and people move differently but with another spring. Not summer. Not spring. After the heat of the year, after the sun has been long, and by the gray difference, the beauty shifts into new months and breaths.
There’s a slowness to days like this—and it’s fantastic.