It’s night again, early as the year winds down, and I dreamt of new versions of Hardûun: mazes as I tried to avoid killer, demon-possessed robots, but I even went into the maze because I felt I had to. More, I was in space, so there was a nominal dream vacuum outside. But it became a weird Doom maze-like frenetic blur, with me too distracted to think about looking up. I realized this as I woke up, but the persistence just tells me I just want to keep at it. I recall CC talking about how eventually the mind gives up as you try to program it. Of course, that tidbit is applicable also to the indoctrination that we receive otherwise and from the emotional cues and abuse we get from outside.
The thing about the creative, imaginative, aesthetic-projection I’ve recently realized is that it really does make magic a matter of doing, daring, and imagining, pretending it works, is working. And for me, now, I also keep remember the WtaW. During the dull drone and even trance I kinda worked up maintaining at [old work], I was often in and channeling them (the WtaW). But less so, of late. Mind you, all of my office time has been taken up with grading. I want to pace the grading crap I have to deal with.
Last night, I found myself having problems visualizing and seeing _________, with it looking, well, cartoonish and weird and unreal. I think I’m having trouble distinguishing its present [sword] anchor and the very broad blade (in comparison) it was in the Otherworlds and my dream.
Which reminds me—CC reminds me to remind myself to shape my dreaming. I’ve considered at times the experiences I’ve had in the second attention, and I think I want to determine ways to get at those experiences. Trance writing seems one way to do so—automatic writing, after a fashion—but also—but also questions and answers and art making from a trance perspective. If nothing else, I’m grateful for Paxson’s guidance (limited and generic though it was), which has been helpful, but I also think about how I’ve managed what I’ve done on my own, synthesizing from the written works of others, without a teacher or mentor other than [teachers I have known], and others.
The Dark Wood was, at times, almost clear and palpable last night. However, I felt I wanted more med’n and a calmer mind than I had had—that my mind ranges too far afield, visits too many banal sub-realms in my imagination. Sid co nem, nem co doman.
[pentacle] [Elethis] [Haisuith]
[lucid] [Corunor] [defense] [ôl-vala/FitE]
Goddess, Dana ________, Dana of the Rivers and Waters, Coursing through the Land, Cutting through the Earth, Mother of the People, of the _____—
O Morrigan, Phantom Queen, Great Queen, Great Goddess of the Ravens, Lady of the Otherworlds, Mother of Heroes, Spurrer of Sovereignty
O Angus mac Og, Lord of Songs, Shining God, Bright God, Golden Son, Son of the Young—
[Authun in runes] Odin All-Father
Image: Sky & Cloud by me