Angus, Chaos, Carroll, Kia, Magic

The trick for me talking to Angus or others is to be relaxed, meditative, and calm—I must set aside my mental distractions. Then he is right there. Well enough to talk to.

The first thing about alamûri is to ask questions. Questions suggest paths towards answers. Or at least good questions do. We have to ask questions and seek after answers. We have to situate ourselves within the contexts we find ourselves within.

Angus asks, “Where are you?” (more…)

More Fire in the Earth

I called FitE. So much drama preceded something I should have done long ago. But such is the nature of the will, I suppose.

I finished Hine’s book. I have very much been his idea of a chaos mage.

SS showed me that [WTAW] responds to meditation—stilling the mind. Rather than the churning chaos it becomes a gently roiling cloud vortex, a storm cell that isn’t out of control, punctuated at times by flashes of light and inspiration. (more…)

Gods & Meditation

I spoke and saw my father today—as I meditated, in the heart, in that time of comparative stillness, he came to me. I cannot think I am here, at this point, merely through happenstance and haphazard choices on my part. I am here to find and to make meaningaladir, we are—and chance and my Wyrd have brought me to this point. Awakened choice is—and should—be my guide. I have pursued forms of knowledge and wisdom almost unheard of back home. (more…)

Accidental Tulpa and Fire in the Earth

Hine points to relaxation as an essential skill for Chaos Mages to cultivate—itself a magical act.

I spent tonight meditating, aligning.

I called SS and talked sigil magic. [WTAW] -> something associated with SS. More active “the arrow of time!”

I didn’t use incense—I think it’s been exciting my allergies—I also think the WTAW help invoke the presence and blessings of the Guardians with full calls. (more…)

Fire in the Earth, BABALON, towards Chaos

My visualization skills improve again, and in doing so, I think my energy work improves. If nothing else, aligning the triple soul falls into this work. The specific energies are different—

The fire from above is the breath of _____, my connection to the greater cosmos and self, the raw force of potentiality (but not quite Storm, I think). (Not that concentrated, refined yet.) But refined isn’t right—primal and physical.)

The energy of thought/perception, this is more what I used to call “Light.” (more…)

Towards Fire in the Earth

It has been a rough last several days—anxiety mixed with insomnia stemming from muscle issues. Dreaming has been limited.

Fear, self-loathing, despair, nihilism, anger & hatred draw me and my mind and soul to imagine all possible bad realities. And they pull me down from whatever height I might aspire to. I must identify and exorcise these thoughtforms—at least constrain them. (more…)

Black Mother & Heaven Shiner

[WTAW]->I am ultimately a root system of memory, the interconnectedness of memory and experience. I am a nest of conflicting passions from memories, touched by millions of persons and events. I also am my choices and how they affect the lives and deaths of those around me. And vice-versa. Responsibility blame, causation.

Passion requires rootedness and connection to others. The world and we are stones and the roots that penetrate those stones.

But memory—and how others have shaped and molded me. Self is always partly a function (process from outside) (That might explain the trance/possessory aspect.) (more…)